Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
