watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
