saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
