The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
it's like iHOP with fire
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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