You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
