If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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