Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize