just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
