I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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