I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
