I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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