Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
