she looked like the before picture.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You were trust falling into bushes
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
