so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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