yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
