Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
