Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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