"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
