Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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