Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize