i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
