Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
