Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
