Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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