I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
