I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
