My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
