please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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