we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
