so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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