My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
