I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
