I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
