She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
