Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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