I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize