I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
