i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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