remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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