Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
