you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
