Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
