Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
