my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
