Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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