Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
