I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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