Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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