We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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