Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
