We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
