im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
