she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
