I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
we should paint friendship bongs
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