Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
he's single and there are thong briefs.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
