nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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