why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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