I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
