You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
