Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
