She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize