I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
