Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
