I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
