Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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