Sponge bath it is.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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