He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
