I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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