Define "chronic" masturbator.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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