If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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