shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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