she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
