his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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