OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
