i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
