im about as happy as oj after his trial
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
