I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize