great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
