I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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