who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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