when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
